Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Gays Struggling to Connect in Marin: A Response

Thanks to Paul Liberatore for shining a light on the LGBT community in Marin. Spectrum LGBT Center has been in Marin since 1982, providing programs and services for, and on behalf of, the lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender (LGBT) community in the North Bay.

http://www.marinij.com/lifestyles/ci_18736256?source=most_viewed

Throughout my 13 years as executive director, I’ve heard many LGBT people lament that they cannot find other gay people in Marin. I believe that many LGBT people living in Marin actually LIKE the fact that there is no gay ‘scene’. They have escaped gay culture and are quietly living among their straight neighbors, raising families and hosting backyard barbeques. Older LGBT people in their 70s and 80s often tend to be less open about who they are, much like their peers throughout the U.S. This tendency, by the way, puts older LGBT people at great risk for isolation and depression.

A sort of assimilation occurs in Marin County, not because it is such an open and accepting place for LGBT people, but because some LGBT people are reluctant to be completely out and visible here. Why?

I offer this observation: It’s not cool to be blatantly gay here in Marin. A standard of conformity compels some to remove the rainbow bumper stickers from the cars, and keep the gay flag inside the house. Marin, after all, is a well-heeled county. We can’t have our glitter falling just anywhere. We’ve learned how to pass.

We like to think of Marin as being progressive, fair-minded, and accepting of all people. But consider this: In 2008, 25% of Marin voters rejected gay marriage. The idea of incorporating gay people into middle and high school history lessons infuriates many in this county, and not just because it is now required by law. Many assisted living facilities in Marin prevent same-sex couples from occupying the same room, giving preference to married heterosexual couples. And, while there are a number of congregations that welcome LGBT people and families, Marin’s faith communities are divided on this issue. (A little-known fact: for nearly 40 years, San Rafael has been home to a prominent founder of the ex-gay movement, who advertises his ministry as ‘finding freedom from homosexuality’).

Spectrum has long been involved with educating the community about acceptance, understanding, and full inclusion for LGBT people. We are making every effort to open doors among traditional communities to start dialog and raise awareness. It’s not always easy, but there have been positive shifts within our schools and community institutions since our founding in 1982.

Here’s the good news: there are, in fact, a number of events that occur on a regular basis for the LGBT community. Spectrum keeps our website calendar updated with all that we know about at www.spectrumLGBTcenter.org. If you are one of those gays struggling to find your community in Marin, don’t expect to bump in to it on the street. You’re going to have to get out and find it. And, if you are willing to be out like Vincent and Douglass, give me a call. We need you to help us create the community you’re hoping to find.

Paula Pilecki, Executive Director
Spectrum LGBT Center
(415) 472-1945, ext. 209
www.spectrumLGBTcenter.org

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