An Open Conversation with 5th Graders

On June 3rd, I had the privilege of working with four classes of 5th grade students at one of the San Rafael elementary schools. Standing in front of a sea of 10 and 11 year olds is beyond intimidating. After about five minutes of nerves at the beginning of each class, I relaxed into the brilliance of talking with them for an hour. These kids were amazing.

I had two phenomenal volunteer speakers with me from Spectrum’s Speakers Bureau program. One speaker told of his experience being the 5th grader that teased other presumably gay boys and growing up to be the "out" high schooler who was teased on a daily basis because he was gay. The other speaker told of her experience having been born and raised male, joining the Marine Corps, and eventually transitioning to female. Can any of you imagine being in 5th grade and having someone stand in front of you and say, "I was born a boy, but now I’m a girl?" Or, having someone stand in front of you and say, "I will never be able to take back the pain I caused some of the boys that I teased that did grow up to be gay men, but I can try to make better decisions now." There is no way that ever would have been my reality in 5th grade!

The young people at this school blew my mind. We had conversations about bullying, teasing, harassing, how it feels to be teased, how it feels to be the teaser, and how we can all work together to make the school safer for all students, including those who are LGBT.

I think that my favorite take-away memory is from a young person in the last group of the day. We asked the group, “How do you think someone feels when they are being teased or bullied?” One young person said, "It's just like People magazine. When someone like Brad Pitt does something kind of silly, People magazine jumps all over him. They put it all over in their magazine. A lot of Americans get really excited because they can feel better about themselves knowing that someone really famous like Brad Pitt did something silly. But, sometimes I wonder if anyone stops to think about how it makes Brad Pitt feel. It might really hurt his feelings."

It was such a great experience. Time and time again, I am so grateful that I am able to work here at Spectrum and be part of an organization that really is doing groundbreaking work. Every day, I feel like we are creating a safer community right here in Marin County for all LGBT people.

I think that the 5th grade students said it best: "It feels icky to be bullied so we should all look out for each other and take care of each other."

Casey Halcro coordinates Spectrum's Speakers Bureau and Youth programs.  Her email address is casey@spectrumLGBTcenter.org

Spectrum LGBT Center

My Child is Gay. What Do I Do?

Support group now forming for parents and caregivers of lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, and questioning children of any age.

San Rafael, California – Spectrum Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender (LGBT) Center of Marin County is offering a free support group for parents and caregivers of children who are lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, or questioning their sexual orientation or gender identity. The first meeting will be held on Tuesday, January 12, 6:30 – 8:00 PM at Spectrum, 30 North San Pedro Road, Suite 160, San Rafael.

“Whether your child has been ‘out’ to you for twenty years, or their sexual orientation or gender identity is still in question, this group provides a safe space for parents and other caregivers to explore their own feelings and concerns,” says Cristin Brew, MFT, Program Director at Spectrum LGBT Center.

Based in San Rafael, Spectrum LGBT Center provides resources and services to promote acceptance, understanding, and full inclusion for lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender people.

Research conducted over the past twenty years has shown that sexual orientation – a person’s emotional connection and attraction to another person – develops early. Both gay and straight children tend to develop their first attraction to another person at around age 10. Adolescents are much more likely to be open about their identity when they are not afraid of rejection, ridicule, or negative reactions from family and friends.

However, many parents feel uncertain when they learn their child is gay. They may not know how to react or support their child. They may have conflicting feelings about whether or not they should support their child, because they do not adequately understand what it means when their child tells them they are gay.

Current research conducted by the Family Acceptance Project at San Francisco State University, demonstrates that LGBT young people who are rejected by their parents and caregivers are at very high risk for suicide or depression. They are also more likely than their straight peers to use illegal drugs.

“This new research from the Family Acceptance Project demonstrates the significance of parental acceptance or rejection toward a child who comes out to them as lesbian, gay, bisexual, or transgender,” says Paula Pilecki, Executive Director of Spectrum. “Parents need a place to process their own feelings and discomfort, especially when they believe being gay or transgender is wrong.”

Since 1982, Spectrum has provided resources and support to LGBT youth through a weekly drop-in support group called Rainbow’s End. An estimated 25,000 youth ages 14-25 have found acceptance and friendship as a result of Spectrum’s work.

Parents, too, have turned to Spectrum for guidance when their children have revealed their sexual orientation or gender identity to be something other than what was assumed.

"I understand the turmoil parents might experience when they find out their child is gay," says Cynthia Wuthmann, parent of a gay son and volunteer for Spectrum's Speakers Bureau. "Parents need a safe place to process their own fears and feelings as they come to a greater understanding of how to best support their children during such a significant time."

ABOUT SPECTRUM’S PARENT SUPPORT GROUP:
Beginning in January 2010, Spectrum’s Parent Support Group will meet on the second Tuesday of each month from 6:30 – 8:00 PM at Spectrum, 30 North San Pedro Road, Suite 160, in San Rafael. Facilitated by Erin Gray, M.S., MFT Intern (Supervisor Nancy Gump, MA, MFT, MFC25530). The group is open to parents and caregivers of children of any age who are lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, or questioning their sexual orientation or gender identity. To learn more, contact Cristin Brew, MFT, at (415) 472-1945, ext. 203.
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Spectrum provides community leadership in promoting acceptance, understanding, and full inclusion for lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender people. For more information visit http://www.spectrumlgbtcenter.org/.

Spectrum LGBT Center
30 North San Pedro Road, Suite 160
San Rafael, CA 94903
(415) 472-1945