Gays Struggling to Connect in Marin: A Response

Thanks to Paul Liberatore for shining a light on the LGBT community in Marin. Spectrum LGBT Center has been in Marin since 1982, providing programs and services for, and on behalf of, the lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender (LGBT) community in the North Bay.

http://www.marinij.com/lifestyles/ci_18736256?source=most_viewed

Throughout my 13 years as executive director, I’ve heard many LGBT people lament that they cannot find other gay people in Marin. I believe that many LGBT people living in Marin actually LIKE the fact that there is no gay ‘scene’. They have escaped gay culture and are quietly living among their straight neighbors, raising families and hosting backyard barbeques. Older LGBT people in their 70s and 80s often tend to be less open about who they are, much like their peers throughout the U.S. This tendency, by the way, puts older LGBT people at great risk for isolation and depression.

A sort of assimilation occurs in Marin County, not because it is such an open and accepting place for LGBT people, but because some LGBT people are reluctant to be completely out and visible here. Why?

I offer this observation: It’s not cool to be blatantly gay here in Marin. A standard of conformity compels some to remove the rainbow bumper stickers from the cars, and keep the gay flag inside the house. Marin, after all, is a well-heeled county. We can’t have our glitter falling just anywhere. We’ve learned how to pass.

We like to think of Marin as being progressive, fair-minded, and accepting of all people. But consider this: In 2008, 25% of Marin voters rejected gay marriage. The idea of incorporating gay people into middle and high school history lessons infuriates many in this county, and not just because it is now required by law. Many assisted living facilities in Marin prevent same-sex couples from occupying the same room, giving preference to married heterosexual couples. And, while there are a number of congregations that welcome LGBT people and families, Marin’s faith communities are divided on this issue. (A little-known fact: for nearly 40 years, San Rafael has been home to a prominent founder of the ex-gay movement, who advertises his ministry as ‘finding freedom from homosexuality’).

Spectrum has long been involved with educating the community about acceptance, understanding, and full inclusion for LGBT people. We are making every effort to open doors among traditional communities to start dialog and raise awareness. It’s not always easy, but there have been positive shifts within our schools and community institutions since our founding in 1982.

Here’s the good news: there are, in fact, a number of events that occur on a regular basis for the LGBT community. Spectrum keeps our website calendar updated with all that we know about at www.spectrumLGBTcenter.org. If you are one of those gays struggling to find your community in Marin, don’t expect to bump in to it on the street. You’re going to have to get out and find it. And, if you are willing to be out like Vincent and Douglass, give me a call. We need you to help us create the community you’re hoping to find.

Paula Pilecki, Executive Director
Spectrum LGBT Center
(415) 472-1945, ext. 209
www.spectrumLGBTcenter.org

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The $25,000 Challenge: WE DID IT!

Thanks to your generous support, we raised $26,168 during our year-end giving challenge.  With your help, we surpassed the $25k goal.  Thank you!

On December 10th, Spectrum supporters Russ Zink and Sean Callaway issued a challenge to our community.  They set a goal of raising $25,000 in year-end gifts for Spectrum, and donated the first $2,500 toward that goal.  By December 31st, we were still $3,400 away from our goal, so we extended the deadline into January. Today -- just six weeks after Sean and Russ issued the challenge -- we surpassed our goal by over $1,000. 

Thanks to the magic of social media and email, we didn't spend a dime on printing or postage.  That means more money will go toward supporting our Youth Advocacy Project, which is promoting safer schools for lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, and questioning middle and high school youth.

Thanks to Russ, Sean, and those of you who followed their lead in making a contribution to Spectrum. We couldn't do our work without you!

The $25,000 Challenge: 64% and three days to go!

Thank you! Your support will help us ring in 2011 with our new Youth Advocacy Project, which will empower LGBT youth and their allies to create safer schools and communities throughout the North Bay.

Also in store for 2011: a variety of new and continuing support, services, and activities for the LGBT community, including:

• Intergenerational storytelling
• Grief and loss support
• Individual and family counseling
• Support for parents of LGBT youth
• Lunchtime gatherings for LGBT older adults
• Inservice training for health and social service providers
• Celebrations for LGBT people and allies

Here's how to make your year-end gift.

Thank you for standing with us.  Happy New Year!

Make it Better, Marin

Doug Williams attended public school in Marin County. In this video, he talks about how principals, superintendents, teachers, and parents can make school a better place for lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, and questioning (LGBTQ) students.



Thanks to Lacy Atkins for volunteering her time to shoot and edit this video for us; and of course to Doug for speaking!

If you live or work in Marin County, or attend school in Marin, and would like to shoot a "Make it Better, Marin" video contact Paula Pilecki at (415) 472-1945, ext. 209.

BODY COUNT AT SIX

School has been in session for only a month, and already the news this week carries the sad stories of six gay kids who have killed themselves in the face of outrageous and unrelenting taunting. We each need to take an aggressive stand to stop this bullying today.

Seth Walsh, 13 y.o., dies today after hanging himself in a tree, when he couldn't handle the nonstop, anti-gay bullying at his middle school in Tehachapi, CA.

Asher Brown, 13 y.o., killed himself with a 9mm Beretta in Texas last week after enduring what has been described as constant, anti-gay harassment at his middle school.

Tyler Clementi, 18 y.o., plunges to his death in the Hudson River last week after his roommate at Rutgers University secretly films him having sex with another guy, and streams it on the Internet.

Justin Aaberg, 15 y.o., kills himself in Anoka, MN, in July, after bullying at his high school, compounded with a recent breakup.

Billy Lucas, 15 y.o., was perceived to be gay by students at Greensburg High School, was called a "fag" and told that he didn't "deserve to live". Two weeks ago, he went into his barn at their home in Indiana and hung himself.

Eric Mohat, 17 y.o., of Mentor, OH was harassed so mercilessly in high school that when one bully said publicly in class, "Why don't you go home and shoot yourself, no one will miss you," he did, earlier this year.

--Chris Kryzan

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Chris Kryzan volunteers for Spectrum's Speakers Bureau, which reaches nearly 3,000 students in Marin County schools each year. The goal of the Speakers Bureau is to create safe and inclusive classrooms for all students by shattering stereotypes about lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender people. Volunteer speakers share their personal stories and challenge students to avoid language and actions that promote bigotry, discrimination, and violence against other students. For more information, visit www.spectrumlgbtcenter.org.

Domestic Violence and Sexual Assault in the LGBT Community: A Workshop for Service Providers

Saturday, November 13
10 am - Noon
Spectrum LGBT Center
Cost: $20; $40 for continuing education credits*
RSVP to Cristin Brew, MFT, (415) 472-1945, ext. 203 or register now.

Presented by Spectrum LGBT Center, with guest speakers from Community Violence Solutions and the Center for Domestic Peace (formerly Marin Abused Women Services).

Domestic violence is not unique to the heterosexual community and in fact occurs at approximately the same rate in LGBT communities. Domestic violence can occur between intimate partners, in the home or in families and LGBT people (especially youth) are at a greater risk of experiencing violence in the home. LGBT victims of domestic violence or sexual assault face the same issues as any other survivor and also face unique challenges due to societal homophobia, transphobia and heterosexism.

This workshop provides an overview of issues related to domestic violence and sexual assault in the lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender (LGBT) community.

Learning Objectives: • Describe the dynamics within abusive same sex relationships • Cite similarities and differences between heterosexual and LGBT domestic violence and sexual assault • Recognize barriers to addressing LGBT domestic violence and sexual assault • Strengthen assessment and intervention skills in work with LGBT survivors and aggressors


About the instructor: Cristin Brew, MFT has been working with the LGBT population for the past ten years at Spectrum. Cristin received her Master’s degree in Counseling Psychology from John F. Kennedy University and also has a degree in Early Childhood Education.

*All courses meet the qualifications for 2 hours of continuing education credit for MFTs and/or LCSWs as required by the California Board of Behavioral Sciences. Provider number 4598. CE contact hours: Provider approved by the California Board of Registered Nursing, Provider #CEP15508, for 2 contact hours.

Prop 8 Love Stories

Life, Love and Discrimination...

Actors age 10 to 17 years old interviewed 8 couples (3 mixed- and 5 same-gender) on LIFE, LOVE, and DISCRIMINATION. Now watch these young actors portray the couples (and families) word for word (with innovative, gender-blind casting!) in the most potent, moving, hilarious theatre you’ve seen! San Francisco’s own Phyllis Lyon is one of the interviewees.

Tickets can be purchased by phone at 345-7575 or online at www.fortmason.org/boxoffice.

Find out more at 8lovestories.blogspot.com.

Sunday, July 11, 8pm

NorthSide Theater
Fort Mason Center, Bldg D, 3rd Floor
San Francisco

An Open Conversation with 5th Graders

On June 3rd, I had the privilege of working with four classes of 5th grade students at one of the San Rafael elementary schools. Standing in front of a sea of 10 and 11 year olds is beyond intimidating. After about five minutes of nerves at the beginning of each class, I relaxed into the brilliance of talking with them for an hour. These kids were amazing.

I had two phenomenal volunteer speakers with me from Spectrum’s Speakers Bureau program. One speaker told of his experience being the 5th grader that teased other presumably gay boys and growing up to be the "out" high schooler who was teased on a daily basis because he was gay. The other speaker told of her experience having been born and raised male, joining the Marine Corps, and eventually transitioning to female. Can any of you imagine being in 5th grade and having someone stand in front of you and say, "I was born a boy, but now I’m a girl?" Or, having someone stand in front of you and say, "I will never be able to take back the pain I caused some of the boys that I teased that did grow up to be gay men, but I can try to make better decisions now." There is no way that ever would have been my reality in 5th grade!

The young people at this school blew my mind. We had conversations about bullying, teasing, harassing, how it feels to be teased, how it feels to be the teaser, and how we can all work together to make the school safer for all students, including those who are LGBT.

I think that my favorite take-away memory is from a young person in the last group of the day. We asked the group, “How do you think someone feels when they are being teased or bullied?” One young person said, "It's just like People magazine. When someone like Brad Pitt does something kind of silly, People magazine jumps all over him. They put it all over in their magazine. A lot of Americans get really excited because they can feel better about themselves knowing that someone really famous like Brad Pitt did something silly. But, sometimes I wonder if anyone stops to think about how it makes Brad Pitt feel. It might really hurt his feelings."

It was such a great experience. Time and time again, I am so grateful that I am able to work here at Spectrum and be part of an organization that really is doing groundbreaking work. Every day, I feel like we are creating a safer community right here in Marin County for all LGBT people.

I think that the 5th grade students said it best: "It feels icky to be bullied so we should all look out for each other and take care of each other."

Casey Halcro coordinates Spectrum's Speakers Bureau and Youth programs.  Her email address is casey@spectrumLGBTcenter.org

Spectrum LGBT Center

Underserved and At Risk: Working with Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender Older Adults

A workshop for Mental Health and Social Service Providers

Saturday, July 10
12:00 Noon – 4:00 PM
Spectrum LGBT Center
30 North San Pedro Road, Suite 160, San Rafael

Cost: $20 per person; $85 for Continuing Education Credit*

Lunch will be provided.

 

*This workshop meets the qualifications for 4 hours of continuing education credit for MFTs and/or LCSWs as required by the California Board of Behavioral Sciences. Provider number 4598. CE contact hours: Provider approved by the California Board of Registered Nursing, Provider #CEP15508, for 4 contact hours.

RSVP to Cristin Brew, MFT, (415) 472-1945, ext. 203 or register online at http://www.spectrumlgbtcenter.org/

OVERVIEW: An estimated 8,000 lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender (LGBT) older adults (60+) live in Marin County. They are hidden, isolated, and underserved. They do not access the services that are available to all seniors in Marin, and when they do, they do not talk about their lives. Compared to their heterosexual peers, lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender older adults are more likely to live alone, less likely to have adult children and partners, less likely to be connected to family of origin, and do not have pension, social security survivor, and other federal benefits.

This workshop provides an overview of clinical issues related to working with lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender (LGBT) older adults. Participants will learn relevant terminology, best practices for working with LGBT older adults, and hear from guest panelists who are LGBT older adults. At the end of the workshop, you will:

• understand basic terminology related to working with lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender older adults
• learn about the ten practical suggestions that will make your services more accessible to LGBT older adults, whether or not these clients “come out” as lesbian, gay, bisexual, or transgender
• recognize the factors that put LGBT older adults at greater risk than their heterosexual peers for poor physical and emotional health
• learn about community resources that can assist you, and your agency, with serving LGBT older adults

Register by July 8th to guarantee a space. 

Faces of Spectrum

Faces of Spectrum is a new project designed to raise the visibility of LGBT community members in the North Bay.

We would like to thank the volunteers that have been instrumental in making this project a reality. Thank you to Wade Flores for being the first Face of Spectrum and allowing us to share his story, to Nik Wilhelm for graciously taking some amazing photos, to Becks Hawkins of Dirty Hippie Feet Design for generously giving us brilliant graphic design and artwork, and Marisol Muñoz-Kiehne, PhD for her translation services.

Be on the lookout for the Faces of Spectrum in the North Bay!

In English and Spanish!

Spectrum would like to highlight all of the different folks that we work with here in the North Bay and we need your help! We would love to have you be the next “Face of Spectrum.” What that entails is allowing us to use your story and a photo of you. Please call or email Casey Halcro at 415-472-1945 x 213 or casey@spectrumlgbtcenter.org if you are interested in being the next “Face of Spectrum.”

Defending the Indefensible

The story of Harold Scull and Clay Greene has reached tens of thousands of people, and in its telling has raised many questions. Since we announced our involvement in the case a couple of weeks ago, many readers have emailed the National Center for Lesbian Rights (NCLR). We have been touched by the outpouring of support for Clay, who literally lost everything after his partner of 25 years fell on the front porch of their home. We also have been disappointed by Sonoma County’s attacks on Clay—a deflection of the true issue in this case, which is the County’s appalling and unlawful conduct toward Harold and Clay. Clay Greene is not on trial. The County of Sonoma is, and they have yet to address the actual charges raised in this case.

{...Read More}

Kate Kendell, National Center Lesbian Rights

We All Count: The 2010 Census is Here

From Credo Action's website

The census tells the story of who we are as a nation, and that includes LGBT people — but only when we participate, and only when we're fully counted. Thanks to the collection of unmarried partner data, a more complete picture of who we are has emerged. For example, we know that:

•Same-sex couples live in 99% of all US Counties.

•LGBT parents live in 97% of all US Counties.

•Black and Latino same-sex couples are raising children at almost the same rates as their heterosexual peers, but on lower incomes ($10,000/yr less).

Still, there is no question on the 2010 census that asks individuals if they are lesbian, gay, bisexual or transgender — and LGBT questions are not included in almost all other major federal surveys.

It's a big problem. The census, which counts everyone living in the United States every ten years, provides the data that is used to determine funding and policy priorities at the national and state level.

Being counted isn’t just a numbers game, but a question of whether the LGBT community gets access to the resources that support our health, economic well-being, safety and families. The LGBT community must be visible--and that means participating in the census, but it also means being counted fully.

That's why the National Gay and Lesbian Task Force, together with CREDO Action, has launched Queer the Census. We must ensure that LGBT people are accurately counted in the next census — and we need your help to make it happen. Here's how:

1. Sign the petition to the right to pledge your support of a census that counts everyone!

2. Get the Queer the Census sticker and use it to seal the back of your census envelope.

3. Spread the word about the Queer the Census campaign.

4. Make a contribution to support the campaign.

You can get your very own FREE Queer the Census sticker at http://act.credoaction.com/sticker/queerthecensus/. CREDO Action is partnering with the National Gay and Lesbian Task Force to make sure the census counts everyone. Order your sticker now and use it to seal the back of your census envelope when it arrives in the mail.

The sticker is free. Stickers are 4.5" x 6" (about the size of a postcard). Make sure you order your sticker before midnight March 22nd so you get it in time to mail with your census form on April 1st!

LGBT Workplace Issues

A forum for the LGBT Community

Saturday, February 20, 2010

10:00 AM to 12:00 Noon
(please arrive by 9:45 to register)

Marin Nonprofit Resource Center
555 Northgate Drive, San Rafael
(across from Northgate Mall)

Visit our Website for more information or download flyer here:
LGBT_Workplace_Issues_Workshop.pdf

My Child is Gay. What Do I Do?

Support group now forming for parents and caregivers of lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, and questioning children of any age.

San Rafael, California – Spectrum Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender (LGBT) Center of Marin County is offering a free support group for parents and caregivers of children who are lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, or questioning their sexual orientation or gender identity. The first meeting will be held on Tuesday, January 12, 6:30 – 8:00 PM at Spectrum, 30 North San Pedro Road, Suite 160, San Rafael.

“Whether your child has been ‘out’ to you for twenty years, or their sexual orientation or gender identity is still in question, this group provides a safe space for parents and other caregivers to explore their own feelings and concerns,” says Cristin Brew, MFT, Program Director at Spectrum LGBT Center.

Based in San Rafael, Spectrum LGBT Center provides resources and services to promote acceptance, understanding, and full inclusion for lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender people.

Research conducted over the past twenty years has shown that sexual orientation – a person’s emotional connection and attraction to another person – develops early. Both gay and straight children tend to develop their first attraction to another person at around age 10. Adolescents are much more likely to be open about their identity when they are not afraid of rejection, ridicule, or negative reactions from family and friends.

However, many parents feel uncertain when they learn their child is gay. They may not know how to react or support their child. They may have conflicting feelings about whether or not they should support their child, because they do not adequately understand what it means when their child tells them they are gay.

Current research conducted by the Family Acceptance Project at San Francisco State University, demonstrates that LGBT young people who are rejected by their parents and caregivers are at very high risk for suicide or depression. They are also more likely than their straight peers to use illegal drugs.

“This new research from the Family Acceptance Project demonstrates the significance of parental acceptance or rejection toward a child who comes out to them as lesbian, gay, bisexual, or transgender,” says Paula Pilecki, Executive Director of Spectrum. “Parents need a place to process their own feelings and discomfort, especially when they believe being gay or transgender is wrong.”

Since 1982, Spectrum has provided resources and support to LGBT youth through a weekly drop-in support group called Rainbow’s End. An estimated 25,000 youth ages 14-25 have found acceptance and friendship as a result of Spectrum’s work.

Parents, too, have turned to Spectrum for guidance when their children have revealed their sexual orientation or gender identity to be something other than what was assumed.

"I understand the turmoil parents might experience when they find out their child is gay," says Cynthia Wuthmann, parent of a gay son and volunteer for Spectrum's Speakers Bureau. "Parents need a safe place to process their own fears and feelings as they come to a greater understanding of how to best support their children during such a significant time."

ABOUT SPECTRUM’S PARENT SUPPORT GROUP:
Beginning in January 2010, Spectrum’s Parent Support Group will meet on the second Tuesday of each month from 6:30 – 8:00 PM at Spectrum, 30 North San Pedro Road, Suite 160, in San Rafael. Facilitated by Erin Gray, M.S., MFT Intern (Supervisor Nancy Gump, MA, MFT, MFC25530). The group is open to parents and caregivers of children of any age who are lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, or questioning their sexual orientation or gender identity. To learn more, contact Cristin Brew, MFT, at (415) 472-1945, ext. 203.
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Spectrum provides community leadership in promoting acceptance, understanding, and full inclusion for lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender people. For more information visit http://www.spectrumlgbtcenter.org/.

Spectrum LGBT Center
30 North San Pedro Road, Suite 160
San Rafael, CA 94903
(415) 472-1945